At the beginning of a New Year it is prudent for all of us to look back and reflect on the activities, the events, and the memories of the last twelve months.  Many people make "resolutions" for the coming 12 months.

May I respectfully suggest that for most of us, the title of this article could be a jumping off point to at least one change in the coming year as it relates to communicating more confidently and comfortably.  Listen more and speak less.  The benefits are that we learn, we become more focused, more patient, more interested in others and in turn others become more interested in us.  There is nothing more attractive that someone who really pays attention when we speak - nothing more attractive than really feeling heard and understood.

Be aware of how much you speak and how much you listen in the course of your daily conversation.  I wish you an aware, interesting and healthy 2012. 

We determined through a series of questions that the most challenging part of confident communication for him, was his mind chatter.  His mind always got in the way. He was overthinking, analyzing as he spoke, attempting to stay one step ahead of the listener and always critical of himself as the silent conversation moved simultaneously through his mind as he spoke. 

I suggested that he start all activities and communication  with action - no thinking allowed.

We moved through a hypothetical day from the time he woke up.  As soon as he was awake he was charged with the challenge of immediately puting one then two feet on the floor -no thinking allowed.

To establish a new habit he had to be extreme during his test period of 3 weeks.Throughout his day when he caught himself thinking he would immediately move to an action or a breath.

The results as he described them were "awesome".  He listed more energy,(less time in his head which previously left him very mentally fatigued);   increased sales (from pushing on instead of thinking about why the last one didn't happen); more relaxed communication and connection when he was speaking( he stayed present moment instead of trying to anticipate what the listener might be thinking) and increased confidence because he was getting tangible positive results.

Because of the one additional strategy, now at his disposal, he also had a new habit. In 3 weeks no thinking had become his "fall back" natural response when he was challenged in communication.

Don't believe me on this one - conduct your own experiment.  I would appreciate feedback from you when you apply the no thinking DO IT strategy!!!

In a word, it is their ability to be authentic - their practice in being authentic - their habit of being authentic in all of their communication, not just group presentations.

People who are authentic suspend their ego when speaking and stay true to their natural preference of communicating.  Whatever their  combined style - relaxed, formal, humourous, elegant,animated, soft spoken, confident, graceful, powerful, sensitive, professional (and there are as many styles as there are individuals) they remain true to their natural nature.  Authentic people take all of the tips and techniques that abound for public speaking and overlay them on the foundation of their naturalness.  That means they don't attempt to impress, they attempt to connect.  They leave their ego at the door and make it all about the person (s) they are speaking with.

If you are in touch with your authenticity you have nodded all the way through this entry.

If you would like to explore your authenticity read the next post February 2011 for more information.

My client was struggling with how NOT get distracted by the listener and her own internal dialogue.  She assured me she was very clear and rehearsed before she stepped in front of her audience - whether that was one or more people.  The challenge began when she mentally engaged in a simultaneous dialogue with her internal mind chatter as she was speaking. That was further compounded by her trying to read the non-verbal communication of her audience.  It did not take long before she was alarmingly distracted from her presentation. She could feel her self confidence eroding, her energy waining, her voice changing and a loss of control with the presentation.

The strategy to stay focused is to only play one role - yours!!!

Resist the impulse to analyze what the audience is thinking.  Allow people to be who they are as listeners.  Let go of the impulse to know what they are thinking. Stay with your presentation until you have spoken your last word. 

I wish you confident connection with your next presentation.  

I put my consulting practice on hold to work full time in International Client Services (also commonly referred to as protocol) for both the Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games.  My decision was less strategic, and more not wanting to miss, what I considered to be the opportunity of a lifetime.

It was one of the best decisions I have made, both personally and professionally. I was constantly humbled because of the extraordinary daily demands on our abilities to stay present moment, be brief, inspirational and effective in both written and verbal communicaton. 

My colleagues were from all over the world and the age range was 25-45 with the median being 30. The personalities, business and life experience coupled with the stress of a fast paced, peak performance environmen,t demanded effective communication every time we spoke.

In addition, we interacted wtih almost all of the 52 business units; we trained all of the volunteers for our venue; we changed reporting structure when the Games started and each protocol manager had hundreds of internal and external clients and their respective entourage and security people to satisfy.

I learned that damage control on "miscommunication" was as important as attempting to get it right the first time. 

I re -learned that the motivation of the listener is influenced by the speaker.

I re-leaned patience over and over again.

I was reminded about how important is is to honour the commuication preference of the speaker because most of the time I needed them as much as they needed me!

My most valuable learning was that there is no right way to communicate - that being appropriate, generous and flexible when speaking leaves both the listener and the speaker with their dignity.

He also serves who only stands and waits.

Less is more.

There is so much wisdom in these seemingly pithy phrases.  Think about how much better informed, how much more aware, how much more confident you are, when you are prepared.  

And  planning includes not only the preparation of research and writing a presentation, it also includes everything about your environment before you begin to speak.

The gold in your presentation will be your ability to notice and absorb what is going on around you before you begin to speak and to adjust and change, in the present moment, to accommodate what you think, feel and see needs to be tweaked, to further custom your presentation to this audience.

So challenge yourself in your next presentation to be that much more aware.  Good Luck 

Who do you know that seems to be comfortable talking to anyone - children, work colleagues, street people, fellow travellers, friends, acquaintances, receptionists, salespeople - anyone they meet?

Most of the time, these same people are also very comfortable public speaking in both spontaneous and prepared situations.  What's the connection?

People who are interested and curious about others make wonderful conversationalists because they ask a lot of questions and they listen to the answers to inform their next question or comment.  These are the same attitudes and skills that are required to connect and communicate with an audience.

If you want to be a better public speaker, take inventory of your conversation skills.  How much do you listen to others, or are you more eager to talk about yourself?  Do you ask questions of others or do you make assumptions and proceed on the basis that you already know the answer?  Do you initiate a conversation or do you wait for others to start first?  Do you leave space by pausing or taking a breath and wait for the other person to speak?

The answers to these questions will give you the key to what you could do more of to be a more effective communicator to one or one thousand.

Good luck connecting in all your communications.

Unfortunately, there is a human tendancy to focus on what we don't have, rather than what we do have.  This results in millions and millions of megawatts of personal power being abandoned, like a bride at the alter, when we find ourselves in a fearful situation like public speaking.  We forget that we do have resources to draw on in this situation; that we have been successful in the past with conversation; that we have said things that informed, that entertained, that influenced, that inspired and ultimately made a difference to one or more people.

So I challenge you for the next month to bring your personal power to every fearful situation that presents itself around communication.  Before you start to speak, take a moment to remind yourself you do have personal power. Take a breath and recall one converstion, to one or more people that made a connection with your audience. Now stand tall and make that connection again with the personal power that is available to you in this moment

I wish you a month of speaking with confidence. 

 Vancouver, British Columbia,      January - May 2011

 California, U.S.A.                       June 2011

 Vancouver, British Columbia       July - November 2011

 Ontario, Canada                        December 2011

The anxiousness many people feel before they begin to speak is directly related to the "flight or fight" emotional reaction that is taking place in their body.

The sympathetic nervous system kicks in and the adreneline starts pumping because the mind has told the body you are in danger.  Notwithstanding that you may physically want to flee or have the floor open up and save you having to speak, you have to send a message to your body to stop producing so much adrenalin.  

You can do this quickly by taking a deep breath - inhale for 3 - hold for 1 and exhale for 3.  Do this until you feel calmer. 

You can use the same technique during your presentation if you feel the nervousness returning or you start talking too fast.

Happy breathing and lots of it.